27 9 / 2013
v upset over this one.
message me if you want the url.
27 9 / 2013
Welp, I guess my depression is back, along with a large serving of bitterness and anger. See also: Still moving to a new blog.
It’s a funny fucking world where someone can have 300+ people looking at what they say and have maybe two - maybe - give a fuck about them as a person.
If you’re wondering if I’m guilting you here for not giving a fuck about my moving blogs, you’re right, I am.
Because all of you who pretended to be my friend while I was kicking ass and taking names in the enjonine tag, killing myself for the fucking cause, then dropped me like I had fucking smallpox the minute I started caring about my own mental and physical health? Who ignored me when I was suicidal, who continued to not give a fuck and ignore me? You should feel fucking guilty. I hope you do. I hope you feel bad that you only fucking cared about me when I was killing myself. I hope you feel bad that you didn’t have my back.
I’ve spent the last couple of days in a haze of misery because you guys have all taught me one very, very important lesson: How few friends I actually have. Two, maybe. That sounds about right.
So I guess thanks for that soul-crushing, depression-causing lesson. I guess I just didn’t feel worthless enough with the whole “not able to find a job” thing.
I’m going to go log out and get on my new blog now. I just needed to say something here to those of you who haven’t unfollowed this blog yet because holy fuck, good job, if your goal was to make me feel like a piece of subhuman dogshit good. fucking. job. You win.
25 9 / 2013
Not that anyone cares (I mean, only one person even asked for my new url for fuck’s sake) but I’ve moved to a new Tumblr and will probably not be coming back to this one.
You know, on account of the fact that no one on here apparently gives even a single good goddamn about me, so what’s the point in just pretending to have friends when none of them have my back?
I mean, fuck.
I spent like half an hour crying today because I figured there must be something wrong with me, because why else would I move blogs and out of 300+ followers have literally nobody care. But I’m pretty sure it’s not me that’s the problem.
So what the fuck. Just figured I’d remind you all that I’m out. If you want my new URL (if you give a damn) send me an ask or something.
24 9 / 2013
I started a new Tumblr blog.
If you want the url, message me.
To be honest, and yes, this might be a little whiny, there are only a few people who follow me on this blog that I really desperately want to keep talking to. Ever since I gave up on the endless fight with ignorance that is the enjonine bullshit for the sake of my own mental health, I’ve basically been dropped like a hot stone by 99% of the people here I’ve considered friends. I’ve posted about wanting to kill myself and gotten no response. It’s just… not an environment I can stay in, where I feel like I’m always being ignored and no one wants to talk to me. So I’m out of here.
I will not publicly post my new blog. I’ve followed some of the people and blogs that I follow on this one. Please don’t take it personally if you aren’t among them - I only re-followed people I know I’ve spoken to recently.
24 9 / 2013
Anonymous asked: Please grow up and stop acting like such a child. Seriously, triggered by someone saying losing weight is a good thing? And you seriously wonder how you don't have a job, can't pay bills, etc.
Wow, anon. This is just. Wow. I’m stunned by your incredible lack of sensitivity and your timing on this one. I post about wanting to kill myself, you send hate probably designed to make me do so. Lovely. I’m really wondering what you were hoping to get out of this. What, did you want me to get on my knees and cry about how wrong I am, no, you’re right, fatphobia doesn’t exist and there’s nothing wrong with encouraging women to make themselves smaller and devote their lives to being less than they are often through dangerous and potentially life-threatening means? Did you want me to kill myself? To delete my tumblr?
Did you want a long silence followed by a notification somewhere from an unlucky, mourning family member that I was no longer part of this world? Because that’s what it sounds like.
But that’s not going to happen. Because despite a complete and utter lack of support from my internet “friends”, I don’t feel quite as much like dying today, and I’m certainly not going to off myself because of some sicko like you.
But let me school you in a few things:
- Saying losing weight is a good thing is fatphobia and it is and can be extremely triggering.
- You try living your entire fucking life being bullied and literally abused (I mean actual fucking child abuse) by your family because of your weight. Try being emotionally abused for years because you haven’t lost enough weight for them. Try being baited and bullied and abused for your size. Try it. For fucking twenty three years, which is the number of years I lived with it before I managed to find a way to get the fuck out. Then tell me that hearing people talk about how losing weight is awesome and everyone should do it and you should lose weight and you’re a failure if you don’t lose weight wouldn’t trigger you.
- I don’t have a job because the economy fucking sucks, you disgusting piece of trash.
- The bills aren’t even my fucking bills, and maybe if you’d actually read something you might understand that. My aunt is coming up short on the bills because her job cut her salary in half when they made her move across the fucking country, then the house she bought promptly had something like $8000 worth of shit go wrong and need fixed. Tell me, do you have $8000 you could give us so we can pay off all that expensive work we had to get done that is currently making us unable to pay the bills? Please feel free to Paypal it to me, since you’re obviously so rich that absolutely no emergency could ever cause you to come up short on the bills!
- Fuck you, you disgusting, sick little fuck for sending this to me not two hours after I posted that I wanted to end my life. You are a fucking monster.
fuck you and the horse you motherfucking rode in on, you disgusting piece of fatphobic, insensitive, rude, callous dogshit. Please go live miserably in squalor in the gutter for the rest of your hopeless, friendless days until someone puts you out of your misery for the better of all of us.
24 9 / 2013
today was great I started bawling in the social security admin parking lot bc nothing ever goes right for me ever in my entire fucking life
it was great man a++
couldn’t get my ss card replaced so that’s fan fucking tastic but it’s okay bc I can’t get anyone to hire me anyway so no one will ever need to see it
someone please come end my pathetic fucking useless worthless life for me? I lack the energy to do it myself
23 9 / 2013
I really want to thank Amazon.com for the fact that the Amazon Prime free trial comes with an option to just not continue it after the trial
like, not just “end membership” and thus have to cut it off early to avoid being charged
but just “don’t keep paying it”
that’s awesome and makes me feel 110% better about snagging the free trial to get free two-day shipping on a thing I ordered
(which I did not, I want to emphatically state, use donation money to pay for jsyk, someone bought something for me and I am using the money from that. donation money = all for groceries and bills. recreational shit = I sell stuff for money for those.)
23 9 / 2013
emotional abuse is when someone does something to hurt you, and when you express your feelings, that you’re upset, they turn it around to be something you did to hurt them and they force you to apologize for it, and your feelings, like always, are rendered invalid and silenced, forever damaging the ability to trust others with your feelings because they always are used against you.
23 9 / 2013
and now it’s off to GAME! with my new CHARACTER! who is AWESOME!
23 9 / 2013
so my girlfriend and I are reading The Posterchildren by Kitty Burroughs (it’s FANTASTIC 150% recommend), and she was saying that Ernest reminds her of Mako
and she means Makoto from Free!, you know, the swimming anime
but all I can picture is six foot tall bodybuilder Mako Mori